Dear Future Military Wife--

Here is the other part of that article. These words are so powerful....

Recently, I had a friend who is planning on becoming a military wife very soon ask me for advice about military life and being married to a military man. I thought what I wrote to her would make a great post, changed it up a little, and here you go

Dear Future Military Wife,

So here you are. The day you have dreamed about all your life is fast approaching. You’ve found the perfect dress, made all your plans, and are about to marry the man of your dreams- a military man. Pretty soon you will be welcomed into the military life, a total change from the civilian life you have lived up until now. What will it be like you wonder? What things do you need to know?
I want to be honest with you as others were with me before I married into the military. People warned me about military marriages, the hardships, the separations. At the time, it made me think. I knew nothing about the military, and nothing about the military life. I never dreamed I would marry a man in the military, it just so happened the man I fell in love with decided to join. I was given the cold, hard facts, and faced with a decision: did I love him enough to go through the ups and downs of military life? Was I strong enough? Without a doubt in my mind, I knew I loved him enough to follow him anywhere and to support him in whatever he wanted to do. The fact if I was strong enough is something God has been working on in my entire life and every single day, and I’m sure it will be the same for you.

I knew God had sent this man into my life, and I knew this was the man God intended me to marry military or not, so we did. You will hear disheartening facts about military marriages failing, about the hardships of deployments and separations, but one fact always remains true: If you are determined to make your marriage work (any marriage military or not) it will. If you determine in your heart that you can do this, that God called you to be his military wife, then you can do this. Nothing will stand in your way, and even when the hardships come (and they will) God will be standing right next to you, guiding and leading you through.

So what can you do now to prepare? Plenty! Research, research, research! The internet is an amazing tool, and you would be amazed at the amount of resources out there for military families and military wives. Talk to other military wives, find out the things they go through, and listen. Prepare yourself for 3 am phone calls from his work, recalls, 12 hour shifts and overtime. Be prepared for months of separation, deployments to a war zone, and when you think you have a homecoming date, be prepared for it to change. Be prepared for your husband to miss birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and more. And beware when having children that your husband might not make the birth. Be prepared for multiple moves, moves across the country, and moves to a new country. Be prepared to make friends and then say goodbye when you leave again, and be prepared to miss your family and feel lonely. And remember no matter how much you prepare yourself, you will never be prepared enough.
Know that for your husband the military will always come first. The mission is what matters, and that will always be foremost in his mind, it’s what they trained him to do. Our job as military wives is to pray for, encourage, and support our husbands. Sometimes that is the only thing we can do. Sometimes that is everything they need. Things like writing letters and emails and sending care packages while they are away become a very important thing. And just knowing that we are doing a good job keeping everything going at home, is what they care about. It helps them be able to concentrate on their mission more, knowing everything is ok at home.

Be aware that the death and PTSD are very real things for military families. Things like wondering if he will come home safe and sound, or if you will ever see him again, is something that will always be on your mind. If you don’t know what PTSD is, then I encourage you to research it and at least be familiar with it and it’s effects. If you have children in the future, know that you will be dealing with trying to explain why daddy is gone, and the pain of trying to comfort them when they cry for daddy in their sleep. All of these things can be heartbreaking. You might even ask if it’s all worth it. I believe it is.

There are also a lot of benefits to military life. As a wife, the military acknowledges you a little more. You get to shop at the commissary and the BX (or PX). You get military discounts, and good medical coverage (having a baby for free, is a great perk!). You get to make lots of new friends wherever you go, and you get to travel the world! Determine now that you will make the best of any place you go. Find things to keep you busy such as volunteering, joining a Family Readiness Group, or starting a group of your own to make friends.

Other military families will become your new family, and other military wives your best friends. They will understand you, nurture you, and help you grow. Beware of women who wear their husband’s rank. If you are an enlisted wife you will find a lot of these. Don’t feel bad if they ignore you or are snobbish, this is the only way they know and they are not worth having for friends if that is the way they act. If you are an officer’s wife, don’t become critical or a perfectionist, and don’t look down on others. You are told to set an example, so do so in word and deed, and remember that all that you do affects your husband too. Whether you are an officer’s wife or an enlisted wife, don’t buy into the lure of “rank.” We are all military wives, and all in need of support. I have made many friends on both the officer and enlisted side, and appreciate friendships from both. Don’t be closed to those opportunities, you never know where a friendship may be waiting to bloom.

Being a military wife is one of the best things in the world, and it’s something I would never trade in for what others may call “a more normal life.” There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you see your husband in uniform. Or when you hear the national anthem. You may even cry when you hear it and it will be something you will never tire of. You will become the most patriotic person you know, and you will learn to love the American flag and understand what it really means. Red, white, and blue will be your new favorite colors, and you will be so proud of your husband when he gets promoted because each new rank is one step closer to his goal. You will be so proud of his every achievement, and will want to tell the world how proud you are. Every homecoming will take your breath away, and every moment apart will only make your moments together more treasured. Nothing can totally prepare you for being a military wife, or how any of these things will feel. The life of a military wife may not be easy, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart it is definitely worth it!

Love,

A Fellow Military Wife

Dear Future Military Husband--

One of the Army wives I hang out with, and an extremely close friend, wrote this piece. It is so amazing, and it made me cry, because of how truthful it really is. I can relate to this in almost every aspect. These are her exact words, and I think everyone should read this...especially those who are new to the military. I love it! GO LAURA!

"I watch a lot of crap TV. I do. I own that. Wanna know what happened on Teen Mom, call me. Wanna get the run down on Survivor, the Amazing Race or Big Brother, all you gotta do is hollllaaa. Don't even get me started about The Shore. I've been watching a lot of Mob Wives lately. And the more I watch the more I think...these crazy bitches are closer to my reality than any other show.

And I know what you are thinking...seriously Laura, wise guys and soldiers are no where NEAR in the same league. And in some respects that's completely correct. But sit and listen to those women talk about things using "code", listen to them talk about how they live a "lifestyle", watch them cope with marriages falling apart due to distance, see their faces when they get a phone call. Those things, those are MY everyday experiences.

How many of my Army wife friends out there have told their mother "he'll be back from 'blankets' 10 days before my birthday in the month my 2nd son was born". How many have been asked "how do you do that? Be apart for so long?" and your only response is "it's just our life. I choose to be with him so this is what I do".

So that brings me around to the point of all this. Sometimes, when you marry into "our lifestyle", you are completely unprepared. I read a blog not too long ago called Dear Future Military Wife (read it here), and I thought it was brilliant. It summed up anything I could ever think to say to someone marrying a military man. It said things I can only WISH I would have thought to say to some of my newly married friends. But I was also thinking that someone needs to tell those guys, that marry these naive girls, things they should do to help prepare her for what with surely be the best, worst, most awesome, horrific experience of her existence. And since this is my blog, well I'm gonna lay it all out there...

Dear Future Military Husband,

Congratulations! You are getting married!! What an exciting time for you! Filled with love, hope, happiness and...trepidation. It's scary to think that you are responsible for someone else. So it's your job to make sure she is prepared. Educate her.

You have to tell her a few basic things. Starting with your duty station. Explain to her about your division. About your brigade. About your battalion. About your company. Your platoon. Your squad. Your team. Show her where you work. What you do.

Help her make friends. Introduce her to your coworkers. And introduce her to their wives. Encourage her to try out the FRG, even if you heard its awful. Let her make that decision. Encourage her to join the Enlisted Spouses Club. Or the officers wives club. She can have 750 million "civilian" friends but one good fellow military wife will trump all those people in a second.

If you are deployed, teach her OPSEC. Tell her its not ok to put information about you on her Facebook page. That she can't have a countdown that says only 43 more days...only 42 more days...only 41 more days. Can she say "I love tomorrow" ABSOLUTELY! Can she say "OMG my hubby is coming home tomorrow at 730!!!" No. But she doesn't know this unless you tell her!!

Remind her that mail service is slow, at best, and the Internet is inconsistent. Sometimes you won't talk to her for hours, days, weeks at a time. make sure she knows you are going to miss Christmas and birthdays and anniversaries and the birth of children. Its not fair, and none of us like it, but its unavoidable. Tell her you can NOT spend all day day online waiting for HER to get on. You have a job to focus on. And on the other hand, she has a job too. Whether its an actual working out of the house job, a going to school for a better education job, a managing the household job. Sometimes she doesn't have time to sit around all day and just wait for you to get online. Life doesn't stop on the home front, just because you are not here. Let her live, let her breathe, let her be an adult.

Know that "those" wives, the ones that whore around any chance they get, are the exception, NOT the rule. It takes a pretty awesome woman to marry you. It does. Not everyone has the patience for this. But if you married her, you know SHE does. She is the RULE. Don't treat her like the exception.

Tell her no matter how many moves, in how many years, home is where you make it. "Home" is not always where you are from, where your parents live, where granny and gramps live. "Home is where the Army sends you" was such a major theme of the first 13 years of my marriage. And its true. It's all true. I know women who can make a home of a spacious 5 bedroom single family house on a military installation and I know women who can make a home of a 1 bedroom apartment in a not so fantastic neighborhood. Every new assignment brings around new places to explore, new food to taste, new friends to find. Embrace that. Teach her that moving isn't scary its an adventure! Plus there is the whole upside of having someone else do all that packing for you. =)

Reassure her that even though conversations may be short, time together may be sparse, that she is always in your heart. The things your do are for her, to better her life, to better YOUR life. Never hang up the phone, or sign off an IM or end an email without saying "I love you", you never know when the next time you get to tell her will be, so do it every time.

And I'm sure there are so many more things I could tell you to help her, but hopefully, you'll know what to do. Maybe you'll even have a more experienced, higher ranked guy around who can show your the ropes. Maybe you'll have a soldier in your platoon or your squad who has been married a few years and has been right where you are sitting and he can offer a little advice. My wish for you, as I close this out, is a life full of happiness, short deployments, easy moves, smiley babies, awesome neighbors, great duty assignments and a fantastic slice of pizza =)"

Flowers from a guest :)

When I first told Jared that a guest at work gave me flowers, he was a little shocked. It was really funny to hear his reaction. A few nights ago, this old guy called in late, and in a panic because his flight was getting delayed due to weather. He was going to have to change hotels to Salt Lake for the night where his flight was delayed. Long story short, I called and set up a new reservation for him at the Hampton Inn SLC Airport for the night. The next day I overheard his name from the back office, and so I went out and greeted him and told him how happy I was to see him here! He was the sweetest old guy. That following afternoon, I was told that a guest was waiting for me in the lobby, so I go out of the office to see who it was....it was this old guy holding a dozen roses!! He told me how grateful he was that I was so nice in helping him in a stressful situation at the airport. This was his way of thanking me. He was such a sweetheart, and the flowers were totally a surprise. This just made my whole day to think that people actually appreciate the good things I do for them.